The Lost Thanksgiving Screwtape Letters | The Theonauts

The Lost Thanksgiving Screwtape Letters

My dear Wormwood,

I would like to take a few moments from your seemingly busy schedule to express to you the vast importance that the holiday called Thanksgiving can play in our pursuit to turn your patient from The Enemy to Our Father Below.

We already have the extreme advantage of subterfuge inherently woven into this holiday. You see the supposed intent of the holiday is to provide gratitude and recognition to the Enemy for providing our patients with life, family, and sustenance. And although we cannot provide them with these types of gifts to gain their allegiance, we can at least urge them to overly imbue themselves with this sustenance and to convince them they need even more blessings to thank the Enemy for.

Your patient will gather with his family on Thanksgiving to enjoy a meal and a televised sporting event. Although providing an abundance of food to provoke gluttony is often too forthright of an approach for day to day life, because of the nature of the holiday you may succeed in this approach because it is perceived as a special occasion centered around food. Make sure there is plenty of food available for your patient and increase the aroma for effect. The use of desserts is paramount in this approach. Again you may leverage the specialness of the day to persuade him to indulge in more than he would normally allow himself.

After the meal, be vigilant to keep the focus on the sporting event. The less your patient focuses on his friends, family, and our Enemy the better. There are a few ways to make this event seem more important. The higher quality of the device used to broadcast the event, the better. This will assist in immersing your patient and perhaps other family members into the event rather than one other or The Enemy. If your patient is joined by others for the event, introduce the possibility of a wager. This will increase their desire for monetary gain as well as raise the importance of the event.

Marvelously, gluttony and idolatry are not the only tools available to you on this long weekend. Our promotions department has been working overtime the past few years to encourage retail providers to open their doors earlier and earlier on the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, many now accommodate our needs on Thanksgiving Day itself. Make sure your patient is in view of as many of these advertisements as possible. The objective is to get him to rationalize spending money he doesn’t have on things he doesn’t need while justifying this through the rouse of bargain hunting.

Most importantly is to press home upon him the ordinariness of these practices. If more he thinks he is honoring the Enemy with these, the better. With all these tools at your disposal this holiday weekend, your patient may yet come to our table simply by leading him to his own.

Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape



Tags: , ,

  • Brenden Taylor

    So you’ve not only seen Max McLean perform as Uncle Screwtape, but you’ve also found a lost letter written by Screwtape himself?

    Someone get the peanut butter because I’m so jelly right now.

    • Don’t forget STAR WARS, Brenden. Oh, and Lord Of The Rings too. He’s seen those 🙂

      • Brenden Taylor

        Whatevs, Michael. Whatevs.

    • Now if we could just get Max McLean to do a reading of the lost Screwtape letter. 🙂

Get in touch